Most writing about donor conception is aimed at people who want a child. The people actually created by these decisions are now adults with a great deal to say, and their views are consistent enough to act on.
Being told early matters most
This comes up more than anything else. Those told from the beginning describe it as an unremarkable fact about themselves. Those who found out later — often in adolescence or through a DNA test — describe the concealment as the difficult part, not the conception.
Information matters more than contact
Many want to know who the donor was; considerably fewer want a relationship. The common wish is for information — medical history, appearance, why he donated, and whether there are half-siblings. The desire to know and the desire for a relationship are different things and are often confused by parents.
Anonymity is not something adults can grant
The strongest theme in donor-conceived advocacy: a promise of anonymity was made between adults about a person who could not consent, and cheap DNA testing has made it undeliverable regardless. Choosing a route where information will exist is a choice made on the child’s behalf.
Half-siblings are often the surprise
Many describe discovering half-siblings as more significant than finding the donor. Family limits per donor are not an abstraction to the people at the other end of them.
What to take from this
Tell them early. Keep records — medical history, the donor’s own words if you have them, photographs. Choose a route where information will be available. And treat the child’s future preferences as unknown rather than assumed.